Some people are part of your life, whether you want them there or not. What if you don’t have the
warmest of feelings for your boss? Your mother-in-law? Your next-door neighbor?
It’s easy to come up with a mental catalog of all the ways in which that person could change to be less annoying,
domineering, passive-aggressive, arrogant, etc.—but the fact is, you can’t change anyone but yourself.
Here are some tips about how to help yourself cultivate more friendly feelings. It’s quite a strain to hide feelings of dislike;
if you can manage to change your feelings, you’ll be much happier. It’s hard, but not impossible.
1. Seek contact. This is a bit counter-intuitive. If you don't like someone, you probably feel like avoiding that person,
but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the mere exposure effect,
we tend to like people better the more we see them.
2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those
who do good to us,” as La Rochefoucauld observed.
3. Give that person a brief touch. Subliminal touching, i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it’s not noticed,
increases people’s sense of well-being and positive feelings.
4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person,
or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh.
This can be tough, however.
5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act.
So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective—just try it.
6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your complaints, they assume a solidity in your mind that’s hard to eliminate.
When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be changed.
7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.
8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.
8 Tips For Disliking A Person Less
6 Ways to Train Your Boyfriend
6 Ways to Train Your Boyfriend
"You can't change a man" is one of the oldest cliches in the book.
Well, we just discovered some news that challenges that notion, and it
comes from an unlikely source: animal trainers.
Males are card-carrying members of the animal kingdom, and they exhibit a lot of the same behaviors as many other mammals
Read on and you will soon be able to teach him some new tricks.
#1 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He's Allergic to Chores
Indulge His Playfulness
✭As Used on Chimpanzees. These primates are big mischief makers, so getting them to calm down can be a real challenge.
Luckily, if you indulge their silly side, you have a good shot at getting them to pay attention. "When we need the chimps to
perform a task, we get on their level and play with them for 5 or 10 minutes,"
Once they've had some fun, they're more willing to heed commands because
they instinctively know it's their turn to return the favor.
✭Apply It to Your Guy. No matter how old they are, men never quite lose touch with the playful, naughty boy within.
Too bad they often pick the worst times to bring out that brat -- like when you're running late for work or need them
to do something around the house. To get what you need done, "indulge him with a few minutes of acting goofy,
Then tell him you'll finish playing with him later, as long as he takes out the trash or does whatever else
you need him to do. Since his mind and body are now surging with feel-good chemicals from your brief,
fun exchange, he's less likely to wrinkle his nose at the request . Use this technique consistently and,
over time, he'll be less likely to associate chores with drudgery.
#2 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Lacks Social Graces
Reward the Good, Ignore the Bad
✭ As Used on Dogs. Pre-training, a pup will sniff crotches and paw at people's legs. The instinct is to shoo it away,
but that only makes it want to sniff and paw more. Instead, trainers reward the dog when it behaves
and ignore any actions they don't like . Since dogs crave affection,
they slowly
begin to avoid bad habits and opt for good ones.
✭ Apply It to Your Guy. Perhaps your man could use some finessing when it comes to social situations too -- say,
to curb his habit of telling off-color jokes. When he engages in unseemly behavior, your immediate reaction
might be to tell him to knock it off already. But that tactic invariably falls on deaf ears.
Men don't want to be treated like children, and if you correct him, he'll feel like you're mothering him.
Instead, ignore him when he's being obnoxious, and give him some PDA (think a kiss or a tap on the bottom) when he's acting sweet.
Since guys, like dogs, aim to please, he'll instinctively begin to avoid the behavior that makes you freeze him out.
One caveat: Timing is crucial. Be sure to reward him at the exact moment he engages in a positive behavior;
otherwise, he won't be able to make the appropriate connection.
#3 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Bolts When You Argue
Keep a Cool Head
✭ As Used on Horses. Beneath the powerful stallion exterior lies a skittish animal. That's why they
generally respond well to a calming voice and touch from trainers.
✭ Apply It to Your Guy. Like horses, men seem to be hardwired to want to bolt at the first sound of irritation.
So even if he's been working your last nerve, try to approach him in a cool, collected manner (remember, as hard as it sounds,
this is all going to benefit you in the end). For instance, if you are mad that he hasn't been planning enough date nights
or can't stand when he forgets to call while he's out, your instinct might be to yell or get huffy. Instead, keep your composure by
taking a few minutes alone before you approach him, then speak in a quiet, even-toned voice. "Calmly telling him
what he did wrong will make it easier for him to tune in to what you're saying," . Touch also plays a crucial role
in this scenario: Place your hand on his as you speak. Not only does this buffer the blow of your words,
but it also mimics the comforting way a trainer strokes a horse's mane to calm the animal down.
#4 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Stands His Ground
Use Proper Body Language
✭ As Used on Cougars. When trainers want a cougar to bend to their will, they find a middle ground.
Instead of trying to submit or dominate a cougar, trainers try to form a cooperative relationship.
They walk tall with squared-off shoulders. This stance ensures that the trainers don't look
like prey but they're not threatening either.
✭ Apply It to Your Guy. Even the most liberated guy can feel emasculated by a fearless chick. So when you're having a
sticky conversation with him, he might be unconsciously bristling at your body language. If you're standing really close to him
with your hands on your hips and your feet wide apart, he'll get defensive and instinctively want to fight back.
Similarly, if you stand meekly and tilt your head while talking to him, he might take it as a sign that you're too submissive.
The best way to stay on equal ground is to stand with good posture, your head up, and an open frame so he sees you
as being on the same level as he is. This way, he'll be more apt to want to talk things through with you.
#5 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Won't Drag Himself Off the Couch
Approach Him at the Right Time
As Used on Lions. Lions are, in a word, lazy. According to trainers, they sleep for up to 20 hours a day and
only move when they see it as beneficial to themselves. Trying to get a lion to do something when it's in resting mode can be
very difficult and even dangerous.
That's why we make use of the animal's active time instead of trying to force it into doing
something it doesn't want to when it's chilling.
Apply It to Your Guy. A man in veg-out mode is unlikely to move no matter how much you try to engage him.
You have to gauge when he's in a productive mood and then pounce to get him to do what you want.
If you notice that he prefers working out in the morning, that's a good time to ask him to help you clean when he's finished.
If you need something done during his downtime and don't want to wait, bribe him. Motivate him by making it worth his while.
When you feel like you haven't been able to have a heart-to-heart but he's in a coma in front of the TV,
try plying him with his favorite snack. If his cravings for the food outweigh his interest in the TV, he'll eventually cave.
#6 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He's Not Romantic
Take Baby Steps
As Used on Elephants. These mammals can learn a variety of tasks but only on an incremental timeline.
A trainer would never expect an animal to learn something without teaching it how to do it.
For example, if trainers want an elephant to paint as part of a circus act, they'll first show the animal how to curl
its trunk around the brush. Next, they'll have it dip the brush into the paint. Only then would they show
it how to create brushstrokes. Animal trainers call this process of using small steps "successive approximations."
Apply It to Your Guy. The average guy is plenty romantic, but he's not hardwired to plan out the little details.
So if you can't remember the last time he put together a romantic night for you both, you'll have to show him the way.
Start by staging your apartment with cues that get you going, like candles and a sultry soundtrack. Have your
favorite chilled wine on hand so you can ask him to open it before dinner. This creates a ritual in his mind.
Eventually, not only will he get a sense of what your romantic needs are, but he'll also start making a game plan of his own.
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A Very Touching Story
My mom only had one eye. I hated her.... she was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me.
I was so embarrassed..
How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.
The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEEW, your mom only has one eye!"
I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, " If you're only goanna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?"
My mom did not respond... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my mother came to visit me. She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren.
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my children!" GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared out of sight. One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.
My neighbors said that she died…I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.
"My dearest son, I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion…But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you..
I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up...
You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand
watching you having to grow up with one eye…So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye..
With all my love to you, Your mother..
Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day will be their last, or your own.
Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure. And closure usually brings peace....
"God is too wise to be mistaken,God is too good to be unkind. So when you don't understand;when you can't see His plans when you can't see His hand Trust HIS Heart."
